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August 14, 2008
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It Doesn't Feel Like "Home" |
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Q: Dear Stephanie, I have written to you before with a question and your advice was helpful to me. I am now in another situation for which I would like your help. Last year my husband and I purchased our first home. The area is quiet and residential, and the house is cozy. The price was affordable and we were eager to move out of my parents’ overcrowded house.
But we didn't take location into account. This house is far from my daughter's school, my parents' house, our church, hospitals, etc., and friends and family don't visit very often because of the distance. Since moving in last July, I have found myself struggling to feel "at home." I've re-painted, re-decorated and de-cluttered but nothing has worked.
We know the area we would like to be in, but cannot afford to buy there at this time. With another baby on the way I am feeling even more anxious because I will now have a baby to commute with while driving my daughter to school in September.
How can I start making the house feel more my "home" so I can settle into it and start raising my family? I don't want to be here permanently, so how do I focus my energies and intentions on obtaining a home in the area we do want while living more at ease in the existing one?
A: How wonderful that you were able to move out of your parents’ crowded house and purchase a home of your own in a nice neighborhood. I wish you also great joy with your growing family.
I suspect the reason you are feeling such difficulty about this house is that you are hoping external changes will help with an internal problem: you wish to be somewhere else. Until you can make some peace with that, you will probably continue to feel “not at home” no matter how much feng shui you do.
I get the impression that you believe that allowing yourself to feel at home in your current place will keep you from moving toward something better. So you’re holding back instead of settling in, because you’re afraid of being stuck with what you don’t want.
But that’s not true at all. Continuing to feel dissatisfied and unhappy with your current situation will only make it harder for you to move from that place to something better. And it will increase the likelihood that you will not feel satisfied with your next home, either, even if it’s in the neighborhood you want to live in.
Instead of seeing “feel at home here” and “move on to there” as contradictory impulses, recognize that allowing yourself to “feel at home here” will set you up to “move on to there” more quickly and easily – and with more satisfying results -- when the time is right.
You can't change the fact that your current home is too far from the things you'd like to be closer to. But you can choose where you put your attention, and how much you allow the home's drawbacks affect your mood and attitude on a daily basis.
Here’s what I would do if I were you:
1) Make a list of everything you don’t like about where you are living now. Include features and location of the house and how you feel about it (i.e., "it's too far from town", “we made a rushed decision,” “I regret moving here”). Get all of that icky stuff out onto the piece of paper. Use as many sheets of paper as you need to get it all down.
2) On a fresh sheet of paper, use this next format to focus on what you do like about where you are living now:
“Even though this house …,” [something from your ‘don’t like’ list here]
“I really appreciate ….” [something you do like about your house].
For example:
~ “Even though this house is too far from town, I really appreciate having a place of our own.”
~ “Even though this isn’t our dream location, I really appreciate this quiet, safe neighborhood.”
~ “Even though this house was not the ideal choice for us, I really appreciate having a mortgage that we can afford.”
You get the idea. Come up with something positive about your house for every single item on your ‘don’t like’ list. Small things are fine. Maybe you like the light fixture in the dining room, or there’s good water pressure for taking showers. You don't have to match each item on the left with a "similar" item on the right, just think up something to put there.
Finding affordable housing – or any housing at all – is a huge challenge for many people on our planet, so be grateful for having a roof over your head! There’s nothing wrong with wanting more or better, so long as you don’t allow that to keep you from recognizing the blessings you already enjoy.
3) Now create a WISH LIST for your next home:
Use the results of steps 1 & 2 to make a list of all the features and experiences you would like from your next home:
“Wouldn’t it be great if our next house…?”
~ "...is in [desired] neighborhood"
~ "...immediately feels like home"
~ "...is so perfect for us that we are happy to stay there a long time"
~ "...is a place where friends and family love to visit with us"
~ "...is convenient to our church and schools"
etc.
Now that you’ve gotten really clear on what you appreciate about where you are, and what will be even better in your next place -- and what kind of a timeframe you would like to move in if you're ready to decide that -- you may want to create a scrapbook that illustrates the home you want to move on to.
Keep in mind that feng shui is just one of many tools available for improving our life experience. That doesn’t mean that feng shui is always the best approach to a particular issue or situation. I reply to quite a few questions by recommending some study of the principles of deliberate creation/law of attraction. You can read more about why I see that as an important complement to feng shui here.
Hope this helps to shift your feelings about your home in a more positive direction,
Stephanie
Q+A POLICY
The purpose of this Q+A service is to clarify modern feng shui principles and remedies, and to help you make sense of contradictory teachings you’re likely to come across. If you are new to this blog, please read the Q+A Guidelines (see sidebar on left) before sending me a question. Do expect that I will edit your message for clarity and focus, and that it may be several days (or longer) before I post a reply. Keep in mind, too, that you’re getting my personal opinion on the topic. If you ask someone else, you might get a different answer.Labels: Feng Shui Q+A, new home
posted by Stephanie R. #
8/14/2008 08:54:00 AM
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