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August 13, 2008
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Feng Shui for Other People - Part III |
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FENG SHUI FOR A FRACTURED FAMILY
Q: After all common sense approaches have been made, including prayer, can feng shui assist in restoring a biological family that has been broken by divorce, geography, and dissension?
A : There are so many factors involved in a “broken” family situation that I can’t say to what degree feng shui might or might not help. Keep in mind that you can only apply feng shui to your own space and your own experience, and in this case there are other people and locations involved.
Keep in mind also that “restoring” the family may not be a realistic – or the best – expectation, no matter how much you want it at this time. Frankly, if “all common sense approaches” (and prayer!) have been tried, then I have to suggest that perhaps what you are trying for is not the best outcome for everyone involved. I believe that the best outcome comes easily, although not necessarily quickly, and often not until we’ve repeatedly banged our heads trying to achieve what we think we want. I suggest aiming for improved, more respectful and congenial relationships and communication among the family, without insisting that you all get back together.
What you can do is explore your home giving special attention to the Family and Relationship areas. (If you don’t know where those are, click here.) Generally we think of the Relationship area as being specifically for romance and marriage, but it also governs business partnerships and, in your case, I think it would be wise to consider it as impacting family relationships as well. Also look around the “family room,” if you have a space in your home that you refer to in that way, regardless of where in the ba gua it is located.
If I were coming in to your home as a consultant, and you described a fractured family as the problem, I would look for visual clues. I can’t give you a checklist of what to look for, because if you examined a dozen homes where someone complained of the same problem, you might find a dozen different and unique contributing factors. I would “know it when I see it,” but would not be able to tell you in advance what it would be.
That said, where families are involved, I believe that group and individual photographs can be very significant. I would recommend removing from your Family or Relationship areas any pictures that show the various members of your family separated in some way. For example: You might have a grouping of photographs of your family on display, but each photo only shows only one or two family members, and you have no picture of the family all together.
Or, let’s say you have a framed snapshot in the family room from a summer holiday several years ago. The photo shows your spouse and child in a boat on the lake, heading out to go fishing, with you in the background, waving to them from shore. When you look at this photo, you remember what a great summer that was and how much fun you had together. As a feng shui consultant, however, I would look at the same snapshot and see that it shows two members of the family moving way from the other, who is left behind. So, that’s the kind of visual imagery you can be alert to as you explore your home.
(Everyone else who is reading this, please don’t freak out and run off to pillage your photo albums and scrapbooks to remove every image that might possibly be interpreted as less than ideal. Remember: “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!” Scrutinizing every specific detail and image in your home for possible negative impact – even though you aren’t experiencing problems in that area -- is a good way to drive yourself nuts. Focus your energy on existing difficult situations that specifically need improvement, and let the rest be, at least for now.)
Because there are likely to be only very limited changes you can make on the mundane level, you might want to take a more “transcendental” approach to the situation.
Here’s a “cure” for improving relationships in a fractured family that you might want to try. I made it up, just now, just for you:
You will need:
~ A paper map of whatever area encompasses the locations of the various family members that you would like to reunite (I mean reunite in easier and more harmonious relationship with each other, not necessarily reunite as a family unit). For example, if you all live in the same city, get a map of your city. If you live spread out across several states, get a map of the region that includes those states. Perhaps you need a map of your entire country, or even of the world. Scale is not important, but don’t go too small: around 18”x24” would be a good size. You can trim the map to show just the area that covers all the family locations, if you like.
~ A cork board large enough to back the map.
~ Pushpins
~ Some heavyweight red thread (“coat and button” weight) or lightweight red string.
~ A picture of each person (face is fine, doesn’t need to show whole body), including you. If at all possible, use pictures that show each person smiling.
~ A small piece of blank paper, such as a 3”x5” index card
~ A pen
Okay, here’s what you do:
1) Pin the map to the corkboard, then pin each family member’s photo to their location. Use the red string to connect your pushpin to the pin of each scattered family member you would like a better relationship with.
2) Write an affirmation that starts with the words, “I am so happy and grateful now that…” [“our family is getting along so well”; “I am back in touch with my sister and we’re enjoying our conversations again”; “I am able to discuss childcare issues with my ex without anger and arguments”] or whatever is suitable to your situation.
Make sure that whatever you write allows each individual freedom to be on his or her unique path. In other words, it’s fine to affirm that you and your ex are getting along better now, but it’s not appropriate to affirm that you are back together again, because that’s trying to control the other person’s path. (For more on this topic, see this article on the archives page.)
3) When you are happy with your affirmation, copy it onto one side of the index card/paper. Write all of the family names (including yours) on the other side. Pin this (affirmation side out) to the map somewhere, such at the center top or bottom. BTW: although you could easily print this from your computer I recommend writing it out by hand, even if your handwriting is awful, so it has more of your personal energy in it.
4) Hang your corkboard/map in the family area of your home, living room, or bedroom. Every day, spend a few minutes looking at it while you visualize the desired better relationship as though it is already happening. If you aren’t smiling while you do this, you aren’t imagining a good outcome specifically enough. Do not focus on everything that’s wrong between you! Visualize the improvement you desire, then take a moment to express your gratitude for this good outcome.
As an alternative, if you don’t want to deal with a large corkboard or have your map on public display, you could use a map that will fit on the inside of a standard manila file folder. Glue the map inside of the folder, glue the photos to the map, then draw connecting lines with a red pen or marker. Personally, I like the corkboard and string version better, but the file folder version is more discrete and is also portable.
That’s my idea for what you could do; you might come up with something even better, or that is more appropriate to your specific family situation. The objects and images in your personal ritual are much less important than the emotions, thoughts, and intentions with which you approach it.
Wishing you great success with this,
Stephanie
Q+A POLICY
The purpose of this Q+A service is to clarify modern feng shui principles and remedies, and to help you make sense of contradictory teachings you’re likely to come across. If you are new to this blog, please read the Q+A Guidelines (see sidebar on left) before sending me a question. Do expect that I will edit your message for clarity and focus, and that it may be several days (or longer) before I post a reply. Keep in mind, too, that you’re getting my personal opinion on the topic. If you ask someone else, you might get a different answer.Labels: family, Feng Shui Q+A
posted by Stephanie R. #
8/13/2008 12:07:00 PM
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