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August 13, 2008
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Feng Shui for Other People - Part II |
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Q: Hi Stephanie, I am reading Fast Feng Shui and your Prosperity book right now. I would like to know if it is possible do feng shui for my husband? He has some career and time management issues which greatly need help. If it is possible then how does one go about doing feng shui for someone else? I understand that a vital, if not the most important part of this kind of feng shui is the power of intention where you visualize the result and physically feel the positive feelings of the result in order for the desired outcome to come to pass. If that is true, how do I feel the feelings for my husband?
Thank you for writing such great books and being there for us!
A: It’s my pleasure to be here…
The bottom line answer about assisting your husband is that you really can't visualize or feel on behalf of someone else. You can only "feng shui" your own experience (see previous post for more on that topic). But that doesn't mean there is nothing you can do to affect the situation.
Because you mentioned time management, it would be a good idea also to make sure that all of the clocks in your home are turned on or plugged in, and that they are “aligned” to the correct and same time. Check to see that calendars and agenda books (if you use them) are all turned to the current month/week/daily page. Are there lots of outdated newspapers and magazines around your home? If so, getting rid of them may help with a lax time focus. These would be good steps for your husband to take in his workspace as well, especially if he is in agreement with you that time management is an issue for him.
What most interests me about your question is that it implies a lack of participation on your husband’s part. After all, if he were exploring feng shui with you, you’d have written to ask about what he could do, not what you might do for him.
This situation, where one person in a household is “into” feng shui and others are at best indifferent, is unique to our modern culture. In a traditional Chinese household of several (or many) centuries ago, a feng shui master would be invited to advise the entire family, who would all follow the recommendations. So the fact that you're reading and using my books, but (I’m assuming from your message) applying them on your own, is a disconnect with the way feng shui is best approached. Ideally the you and your husband should be doing this together, although in the real world it may not work out that way.
Rather than taking all of this on yourself, look for ways to gain your husband's cooperation or support. That could be as simple as talking to him about why you are interested in feng shui, and getting his agreement to support you in the changes you'd like to make in the home. Eventually, he might be open to explore potential feng shui improvements to his office or workspace, which is part of the career picture you mentioned.
The Prosperity book, especially, addresses some of the inner issues that most of us have to delve into if we want to change our relationship to money. So you might talk with him about what you've discovered about your own money beliefs and financial patterns, which might get him thinking about himself in those terms. Obviously, I don't know anything about the dynamics of your marriage, so what/how you discuss all this with him is something you'll have to work out.
There are two ways you may be able to use feng shui to help with this underlying issue:
1) Explore the relationship and communication areas of your home and especially in your bedroom. Be alert for areas of clutter, or groupings or arrangements of items/objects that might imply that the two of you are not fully in alignment.
This could be almost anything, so it’s difficult for me to tell you specifically what to look for. For example, maybe you have “his” and “her” sides of the closet, but the two closet doors don’t line up – maybe one closes all the way and the other doesn’t, or maybe they both close, but one hangs lower than the other so the knobs are at different levels. And you probably either don’t notice it, or don’t think it’s important. But to a feng shui consultant it’s two things that should be meeting in the middle, where that’s not happening. And if it’s in your bedroom, and you’ve mentioned that you and your husband are “of two minds” about something, or “don’t see eye to eye” on an issue, it would appear relevant. So look around with feng shui eyes and see what catches your attention. Very likely it will have nothing to do with your closets, and won't be anything you'll find mentioned in a book, but I hope that example gave you an idea what I mean.
2) Use the visualization techniques with the intention that your husband will become more open to feng shui, listen to what you have to say about it, or perhaps pick up the Prosperity book and get interested himself.
Rather than focusing on "fixing" what you see as your husband's time and career management issues, reframe those in terms of your experience. How would your daily life change if he hade the improvements you wish to see?
~ Perhaps he'd have more free time to do things with you on the weekend: visualize yourself enjoying that time together.
~ Maybe his mood would improve: visualize your experience of spending time with him when he's less tired and crabby.
Use an affirmation like: "I'm so happy and grateful for these improvements in our marriage" -- even if those improvements are what you'd like to experience as a result of changes in how he handles his job responsibilities.
If he's the main wager-earner in the family, you may feel that you have to feng shui his career in order for greater abundance to come in. But that's not really true. Place your prosperity remedies and imagery with the intention that you experience the results of his getting a raise, or a better job, or whatever.
Make sure you stay alert to any way or instance in which he does manage his time adequately, and any improvements in those career issues you mentioned. It’s very easy to get into the habit of only noticing what we don’t like about someone else’s ways. If you wish to experience an improvement, you have to watch for it, notice it when it happens – even to the smallest degree – and appreciate that.
It's kind of a round-about approach, but it is really the only effective strategy when someone else is involved. Trying to feng shui him, instead of you, isn't likely to accomplish much.
Hope this helps,
Stephanie R.
Q+A POLICY
The purpose of this Q+A service is to clarify modern feng shui principles and remedies, and to help you make sense of contradictory teachings you’re likely to come across. If you are new to this blog, please read the Q+A Guidelines (see sidebar on left) before sending me a question. Do expect that I will edit your message for clarity and focus, and that it may be several days (or longer) before I post a reply. Keep in mind, too, that you’re getting my personal opinion on the topic. If you ask someone else, you might get a different answer.Labels: Feng Shui Q+A
posted by Stephanie R. #
8/13/2008 11:57:00 AM
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